So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.
So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.
So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.
This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner.
So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.
The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.
The next time a guy says, “What? You don't want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.
y’all I am living for these analyses where the new way to fight the patriarchy is to teach men to love each other and themselves
Im a communication student and can confirm the above is absolutely 100% accurate and it’s called agentic vs communal friendship theorized by Steven McCornack
That I was out playing pokemon go, and people all over the world had started seeing this new pokemon popping up. Like out of nowhere this little thing started appearing occasionally. No word from Nyantic or The Pokemon Company about when or why they had released it. The pokemon was called “sleepytired” and it looked like this.
And you couldn’t catch it, the ball would just go straight through it. People were data mining and shit trying to figure out how to catch this thing but they couldn’t. Eventually they would just have to give up and leave the encounter.
After a few weeks of people reporting sightings of it, and no word from Nyantic, some creepy shit started happening…
What started happening was, if you entered an encounter with a “sleepytired” with the AR on it would manifest in the real world. But it wouldn’t do anything. It would just float there, watching.
So people being curious started doing this whenever they could, and these things would just manifest and stay there. Obviously this was causing problems because these things would just be floating menacingly in local parks and in the local McDonald. And they couldn’t be moved, because anyone who tried to move them or touch them would be struck by sudden, intense, chronic fatigue that seemingly had no cure.
The last part of the dream I remember was watching a news broadcast telling people that pokemon go was now illegal, and to avoid touching or disturbing the creepy little things that are now just about everywhere.
Imagine twelve year old Harry not even knowing how awful his childhood with Dursleys had been until he gets to the Burrow.
Imagine him seeing Percy asleep with a book on his lap, and being baffled that a kid might feel comfortable enough in his own home to be so vulnerable in the living room.
Imagine Molly coming up to the attic to say goodnight to Ron and Harry, and Harry glancing at Ron when he hears her footsteps, trying to figure out what they had done wrong that day.
Imagine him asking George who does all the house chores, and thinking it’s a joke when George answers, “we all do.”
Imagine Ginny pestering Arthur with questions over the Daily Prophet, and Harry trying to shoot her warning looks to stop it! but then Mr. Weasley looks up and patiently answers every single one.
Imagine Bill popping in for a visit one evening and Harry being floored when Bill stops to chat with him.
Imagine Fred chasing after Harry in the yard, playfighting, but Harry actually begins to run for real fear of being hurt.
Imagine Molly burning something on the stove my accident and tossing it, imagine Harry mentioning to Ron, offhandedly, “she could’ve given that one to me, it’s what I eat at home when I mess up dinner” and not knowing why Ron is horrified.
Imagine Harry seeing what a normal, functioning family looks like, and realizing the absence of love in his own life.
Okay but if you think about it, Harry wasn’t just neglected he was really badly emotionally abused. Being surrounded by constant misery and hate and negativity is extremely damaging. He would have triggers too.
Loud or sudden noises. People popping out of nowhere. Lots of bustle or sudden rushed business. He would jump or flinch or recoil and after a while, the Weasleys would totall catch on.
That’s why Mrs. Weasley NEVER yells at Harry.
That’s why George and Fred NEVER prank Harry.
That’s why Ginny keeps her distance, instead of pestering or hovering or doting, and why she gives him space later on. She was young and over excited and energetic, but she kept her distance because she didn’t want to bug Harry with noise and crowding.
Not only does Harry realize how truly BAD his life with the Dursleys was… the Weasleys do too. Their house changes when he’s around. Softens. In a house full of people and messand chaos, everyone works to make Harry feel comfortable and safe and happy because this boy deserves it.
[LISTEN]
/ Marianas Trench / Every Avenue / All Time Low / WALK THE MOON / Simple Plan / Fall Out Boy / Matt Webb /
[READ]
/ Orson Scott Card / J. K. Rowling / Robert J. Sawyer / Veronica Roth / Ernest Cline / James Dashner / Scott Westerfeld / Brent Weeks /
[WATCH]
/ Doctor Who / Grey's Anatomy / Sherlock / Merlin / Death Note / Finding Nemo / Harry Potter / The Matrix /
[PLAY]
/ Tales of (Symphonia, the Abyss, Xilia, Graces, Vesperia) / World of Warcraft / Kingdom Hearts (I, II, Birth By Sleep, re:coded, 358/2 Days) / Portal (I, II) / Pokémon /
